From The Hood : Voting By The Good Book

As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth double.
by Lyndon Hood

1 1 The words of the Satirist, the son of guy called Jim, mostly just publishes press releases on Scoop.

2 Vanity of vanities, saith the Satirist, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.

3 What profit hath a man of all his efforts to decide who to vote for?

4 One leader passeth away, and another leader cometh: but the attempted superficial charm abideth for ever.

5 The poll riseth, and the poll goeth down, and hasteth to his place whence it arose.

6 The party go-eth toward nationalism, and turneth about unto harsh justice policy, then maybe beneficiary bashing or tax cuts; it whirleth about continually, and the party returneth again according to his circuits.

7 All the candidates call for the policy; yet the policy is not released; those from whence most demands come, are most barren of it.

8 Or in the case of Labour; the leader cannot utter it: either way, the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.

9 I the Satirist was an elector in Hutt South in New Zealand.

10 And I gave my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning who to vote for: this sore travail hath God given to the sons of man to be exercised therewith.

11 I have seen one prime contender is that ex tobacco shill, and the other is Trevor Mallard; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.

12 That which is crooked cannot be made straight: and that which is wanting cannot be numbered.

13 Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new?

14 I communed with mine own heart, saying, Lo, I should purchase a copy of Dirty Politics.

15 And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit.

16 For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

2 1 I said in mine heart, Go to now, I will prove thee with mirth, therefore enjoy pleasure: and, behold, this also is vanity.

2 I said of laughter, It is mad: and of mirth, What doeth it?

3 I mostly use it to abuse people’s annoying idiocies without getting into trouble.

4 Therefore I had rich pickings; because the work that is wrought under the sun is grievous unto me: for all is vanity and vexation of spirit.

5 Some things more than others.

3 1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; A time to parody scripture, and a time to parody the Byrds;

3 A time to weep, and a time to read the embarrassing personal conversations of people you think are horrible; a time to choke government spending to cut taxes, and a time to choke government spending just in case you’ll want to cut taxes later;

4 A time to embrace vicious people, and a time to maintain you may have like met them once or twice but their actions have nothing to do with you; a time to cast away stones, and a time to live in glass houses;

5 A time to access other peoples’ computer without authorisation, and a time to have you computers accessed without authorisation; a time to breach court orders, and a time to get court orders against other people.

6 A time to trust politicians who don’t expect to get caught or punished, and a time to wake; a time to ‘politicise’ things that are literally the actions of the government, and a time to sleep;

7 A time to abuse your authority and access to information, and a time to not get to be a minister any more; a time when the Prime Minister is in the country, and a time when all the good intelligence briefings happen;

8 A time to use the SIS for political ends, and a time for the SIS to act for political ends all by itself, which makes it somehow all right apparently; a time for you to explain it was just your office that was told, and a time to be believed;

9 A time to spin, and a time to unpick; a time to keep silence, and a time when what your inside sources are telling you is both credible and noteworthy beyond the furtherance of their own agenda;

10 A time to add to the sum of human knowledge, and a time to report on what you reckon the polls mean; a time to write a column saying that, yea, even in the face of two inquiries and a ministerial resignation, there is nothing to see here, and a time to retain the respect of anyone who knows what they’re talking about;

11 A time when what the PM says about an opposition action or policy is the most newsworthy thing about it, and the vast majority of the time; a time to do journalism, and a time to, I dunno, have a little cry or something.

12 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

13 Even without the pay, at least in PR you don’t have the entire rest of the world second-guessing what your job description should be.

14 Plus, you’d be working in a system that is actually geared towards letting you more or less do that job.

15 And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there.

16 I think I could do PR without selling out.

17 I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.

18 I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts.

19 Maybe not PR, then.

20 Who knoweth the spirit of man that goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast that goeth downward to the earth?

21 Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: therefore maybe should I finally write that novel?

4 1 So I returned, and considered all the oppressions that are done under the sun: and behold the tears of such as were oppressed, and they had no comforter; and on the side of their oppressors there was power; but they had no comforter.

2 Wherefore I praised the dead which are already dead more than the living which are yet alive.

3 There is no party leader alone, nor just a deputy; yea, he hath MPs and party members, donors and probable coalition partners with mad staring eyes: yet is there no bottom to all his baggage; for whom doth he labour, and bereave my soul of good? This is also vanity, yea, it is a sore travail.

4 I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill.

5 All things have I seen in the days of my vanity: there is a just man that perisheth in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man that prolongeth his life in his wickedness.

6 And I considered what I had thought was the result of skillful but shortsighted politics might also be partly due to actual corruption, and I threw up in my mouth a little.

7 All this have I seen, and applied my heart to explicate such policies as they may or may not have (I’m looking at you, promise to have a plan to have tax cuts) from the evils of their execution of public office, and their casual response. Surely this also is vanity and vexation of spirit.

8 Better is a poor and a wise child than an old and foolish king, who will no more be admonished.

9 For out of prison he cometh to reign; whereas also he that is born in his kingdom becometh poor.

10 Just putting that out there.

12 12 And further, by this, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; this is not over.

13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear Nicky Hager, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of politicians.

14 For he shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.