From The Hood : Learning To Read The PM

Politics is child’s play

by Lyndon Hood

Without apologies to Craig Smith, Katz Cowley and all the people who got here first.

Earlier in the year, when asked what he really thought about something, Prime Minister John Key said, “I’m leaving it until my book. I know the answer, but just wait until my book.”

After an unprecedented two-and-a-half month investigation, Werewolf can now reveal he was talking about this…

The Shonky John Key

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
And he’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares.

He was a shonky John Key.

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
He’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares –

and he had the whole National caucus singing out of the same songbook.

He was an
on-key
shonky John Key.

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
He’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares,
had the whole National caucus singing out of the same songbook –

and he danced like a white boy.

He was a honky, on-key, shonky John Key.

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
He’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares,
had the whole National caucus singing out of the same songbook,
he danced like a white boy –

and he was giving away bottles of wine from a vineyard he didn’t know if he owned.

He was a dodgy plonky,
honky, on-key,
shonky John Key.

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
He’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares,
had the whole National caucus singing out of the same songbook,
he danced like a white boy,
was giving away bottles of wine from a vineyard he didn’t know if he owned –

and everyone thought he was rather nice.

He was a lovely-jubbly,
dodgy plonky,
honky, on-key,
shonky John Key.

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
He’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares,
had the whole National caucus singing out of the same songbook,
was giving away bottles of wine from a vineyard he didn’t know if he owned,
he danced like a white boy,
everyone thought he was rather nice –

and argued he didn’t technically say he wouldn’t increase GST.

He was a wanky,
lovely-jubbly,
dodgy plonky,
honky, on-key,
shonky John Key.

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
He’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares,
had the whole National caucus singing out of the same songbook,
he danced like a white boy,
was giving away bottles of wine from a vineyard he didn’t know if he owned,
everyone thought he was rather nice,
he said he didn’t technically say he wouldn’t increase GST –

and he cut taxes for the rich, cancelled tax cuts for the middle, then cut taxes for the rich again.

He was a wealthy,
wanky,
lovely-jubbly,
dodgy plonky,
honky, on-key,
shonky John Key.

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
He’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares,
had the whole National caucus singing out of the same songbook,
he danced like a white boy,
was giving away bottles of wine from a vineyard he didn’t know if he owned,
everyone thought he was rather nice,
he said he didn’t technically say he wouldn’t increase GST,
cut taxes for the rich –

and he’d passed at least his share of authoritarian laws, made a bunch of patsy appointments, only seemed to like democracy as long as it doesn’t get in the way and had given Gerry Brownlee powers above God in Canterbury.

He was a who’s-your-daddy,
wealthy, wanky,
lovely-jubbly,
dodgy plonky,
honky, on-key,
shonky John Key.

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
He’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares,
had the whole National caucus singing out of the same songbook,
he danced like a white boy,
was giving away bottles of wine from a vineyard he didn’t know if he owned,
everyone thought he was rather nice,
he said he didn’t technically say he wouldn’t increase GST,
cut taxes for the rich,
placed Gerry Brownlee above God in Canterbury –

and he kept ‘reluctantly’ giving handouts to selected corporations.

He was a tory,
who’s-your-daddy,
wealthy, wanky,
lovely-jubbly,
dodgy plonky,
honky, on-key,
shonky John Key.

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
He’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares,
had the whole National caucus singing out of the same songbook,
he danced like a white boy,
was giving away bottles of wine from a vineyard he didn’t know if he owned,
everyone thought he was rather nice,
he said he didn’t technically say he wouldn’t increase GST,
cut taxes for the rich,
placed Gerry Brownlee above God in Canterbury,
kept ‘reluctantly’ giving corporate handouts –

and he said he’d was fixing the economy.

He was a bodgey,
tory,
who’s-your-daddy
wealthy, wanky,
lovely-jubbly,
dodgy plonky,
honky, on-key,
shonky John Key.

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
He’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares,
had the whole National caucus singing out of the same songbook,
he danced like a white boy,
was giving away bottles of wine from a vineyard he didn’t know if he owned,
everyone thought he was rather nice,
he said he didn’t technically say he wouldn’t increase GST,
cut taxes for the rich,
placed Gerry Brownlee above God in Canterbury,
kept ‘reluctantly’ giving corporate handouts,
said he was fixing the economy –

and his main opposition was Phil Goff’s Labour Party.

He was a lucky,
bodgey, tory,
who’s-your-daddy,
wealthy, wanky,
lovely-jubbly,
dodgy plonky,
honky, on-key,
shonky John key!

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
(hee-haw)
He’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares,
had the whole National caucus singing out of the same songbook,
he danced like a white boy,
was giving away bottles of wine from a vineyard he didn’t know if he owned,
everyone thought he was rather nice,
he said he didn’t technically say he wouldn’t increase GST,
cut taxes for the rich,
placed Gerry Brownlee above God in Canterbury,
kept ‘reluctantly’ giving corporate handouts,
said he was fixing the economy,
his main opposition was Phil Goff’s Labour Party –

and he was a state house boy made good who was “ambitious” for a New Zealand where he’s kicked the ladder out from behind him.

He was a beastly, lucky, bodgey, tory, who's-your-daddy, wealthy, wanky, lovely-jubbly, dodgy plonky, honky, on-key, shonky John key!

********

… which admittedly doesn’t mention civil unions at all. We can however off you the following, entirely unrelated, fragment turned up by our investigation:

I was walking down the road when I saw a politician!
(Aeeh!)

He was saying how we should catch Australia by doing the opposite of what Australia does,

he backed radical economic reforms, then spent all of 2005 pretending he didn’t, then did again, and having resigned as National leader wants to be Act leader, or if not that leader of his own party –

and no matter how hard we kicked him he kept coming back.

He was a suffering succotash, whiplash, balderdash DON BRASH!

********

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